Tuesday, 10 April 2007

Mingers...

I’ve just had the fright of my life. Jeepers creepers, crucifix and garlic breath at the ready…

All I tried to do was leave the office to go and get some lunch. As I opened the door leading out of the office and into the reception area, that’s when it happened: that’s the moment I saw the new receptionist, Medusa. Eff me furiously, it’s even more terrifying to look at than the old bag who plays scrubber-voiced Deidre’s mother in Coronation Street. She looks like a stray, hairless cat that’s been turned inside out and then kicked repeatedly in the face. And then spat on. And then shot. Trust me, it’s all and every kind of wrongness… And then as I walked towards the cafeteria, there were even more mingers flailing around with impunity... A woman with a collection of sweaty chins, a lump for a nose and no eyebrows coughed at me; a rogue pigeon flew into the head of a bloke who looked like Peter Crouch after a fortnight in Chernobyl and the balding woman on the till looked as though she’d died years ago, but refuses to lay down. And what’s with everyone suddenly developing Twat Eye – you know, ‘One eye looking at you, one looking for you.’

I know it sounds horribly superficial and I don’t mean to be, but it was just one visual hammer blow after another. And now I can’t eat my lunch. Actually, that’s a lie, I'm just being dramatic.

Anyway, I can’t loiter here all day, I have an oil painting to go and sit for…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We had a temp with us recently whom we referred to simply as 'the monster'. However, when she left, she was immediately replaced by a male monster. Gahhh!

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