Tuesday, 11 December 2007

Reasons that I am going to hell #1 - Mika and the elderly probable lesbian with only one eyes.

Does anybody out there have the Mika album? Of course you do! Has anyone else out there played it to death to the extent where if you hear Big Girls (You are Beautiful) one more time that there is a high chance you will punch the next fat person you see? I'm right there with you! I think I've killed it - I've played it three million times too many and even the name Mika makes me shudder.

However, there is one part of the album that I can still play on repeat... Perhaps for the wrong reasons, but let's face it, my karma is screwed and I'm destined to roast in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone when I leave this astral plane... Yup, at the end of the song Relax, Mika is hitting notes that implies that his testicles are securely held in a workman's vice. 'Take it eaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssy!' he screams in a masculinity-questioning note that only dogs can hear... And then as the music fades, a voice of an old woman comes to the fore. She's telling a story of her broken heart, her broken eye and the fact that it's in broken English means that the delivery is inadvertantly hilarious. I know you shouldn't laugh, but what can you do if the end result is piss-pantlingly funny. I know I'm evil. There's no need to tut! See you in Hell.

Mika and the elderly probably lesbian with only one eyes.

Sem dir I want to dress for wedding, SEM DIR! When I want married… What happen? (said as though she's been on the sherry)
He's gone and married another gur! (A what?)
When he's married another GUR, I am very, very saaad! (said in tone which suggests that she's about to laugh her bonce off)
I can talk! Like carpet my legs! (what?)
How's he married another lady I no believe! (Yeah, it's certainly a conundrum, love...)
After one month I am sent up in balcony… Some… Bomb come for my eyes.
My eyes? GONK!
My eyes gonk! And now I only have one eyes.
I am sad and 'til now I no marry any man after…
(yeah, yeah... lesbian.)

I feel terrible now for laughing.*

*Not true but am hoping my outpouring of remorse will salvage a few Heaven points.

1 comment:

Alice said...

"Same day I wanted dress for wedding, same day where I want married
What happened...he's gone married another girl.
When he's gone married another girl, I am very, very sad
I can't talk like carpet my legs How he's married different lady, I no believe.
After one month, I am sent up on balcony, some *something* come for my eyes.
My eyes gone.
And my eyes gone and now I have only one eyes,
I am sad, until now,
I no marry any man after"

*Apparantly it's about a family friend of his in lebanon who's husband left her and then she lost an I, somehow. But the accent makes it almost impossible to understand!