I don’t think I’ve quite got my head round this credit crunch malarkey. I did try and fathom it out, but then I found myself frantically looking around for wet paint to observe throughout its drying process, as it seemed more interesting than the world’s financial position. I mean, where did all the money go? Did it ever exist or was it a joke that got out of hand? Normally I’m quite well read (if I do say so myself), but when it comes to all things fiscal, count me out…
I’ve never been that great at economics. Ask my bank manager if you don’t believe me. I did attempt to take Economics at 'A' Level, but during the first lesson, I didn’t understand a single word that the teacher uttered. All he kept saying was, ‘It’s as easy as D-O-G.’ Not at all patronising then. Or maybe I’m just being bitter and twisted because the ease of the concepts he was attempting to lure us with could not be contextualised by elementary spelling. Oh no. I sat there twitching as he confused the law of supply and demand with a graph that reminded me of being five years old, when I would beg my parents to make a random squiggle that I would then try and make into a face. Thinking about it, I was no good at that either: I would usually just incorporate said squiggle into the (inevitably messy) hair-do whilst cursing Rolf Harris and his rather boring Cartoon Time programme that I had to watch because it was my brother’s favourite. Anyway, in sum, I am RUBBISH at drawing and if an economics teacher (with legendary halitosis) ever tells you that 'A' Level Economics is easy, may I suggest that you promptly set fire to their pants as they are nothing but a liar-liar.
So back to this Global Economy crisis extravaganza thingymejig. Is it the new War on Terror? I know it’s got something to do with sub-prime something or other and big, fat, wanker-bankers being gambling greedy guts type people, but other than that, it’s all Greek to me. I know that everyone is bankrupt and if you needed a pot to piss in, you’d do better than asking Kerry Katona, Anthea Turner or the residents of Iceland, because much like Old Mother Hubbard, it's slim pickings all round at the moment. And there’s no point in trying to secure said wee-wee in the local pub either, because the chances are, that’s closed down too. In fact, much of the High Street seems to have shut up shop permanently. All that’s going to be left, according to Trevor McDonald and co., are charity shops, Primark, something hideous called Chicken Cottage and people selling The Big Issue that I don’t really believe are homeless.
It’s not all doom and gloom though, is it? Well, it might be, if you’re a fan of pick and mix or cheap Wellington boots for kids, seeing as though Woolies is no more, but at least you can buy cheapo happy shopper type stuff in Tesco without an ounce of shame. Seemingly anticipating this monetary skulduggery, they have changed their Value range to a discount brand called Daisy. How sweet. And I thought you couldn’t polish a turd. Maybe it’s the economic equivalent of turning a squiggle into a cartoon hairdo. I dunno. It’s all pounds, shillings and pence to me. Shame no one has got any. Maybe we should start a revolution and spend the rest our days sat cross legged and saggy titted in some new age commune breastfeeding each other.
I’ve never been that great at economics. Ask my bank manager if you don’t believe me. I did attempt to take Economics at 'A' Level, but during the first lesson, I didn’t understand a single word that the teacher uttered. All he kept saying was, ‘It’s as easy as D-O-G.’ Not at all patronising then. Or maybe I’m just being bitter and twisted because the ease of the concepts he was attempting to lure us with could not be contextualised by elementary spelling. Oh no. I sat there twitching as he confused the law of supply and demand with a graph that reminded me of being five years old, when I would beg my parents to make a random squiggle that I would then try and make into a face. Thinking about it, I was no good at that either: I would usually just incorporate said squiggle into the (inevitably messy) hair-do whilst cursing Rolf Harris and his rather boring Cartoon Time programme that I had to watch because it was my brother’s favourite. Anyway, in sum, I am RUBBISH at drawing and if an economics teacher (with legendary halitosis) ever tells you that 'A' Level Economics is easy, may I suggest that you promptly set fire to their pants as they are nothing but a liar-liar.
So back to this Global Economy crisis extravaganza thingymejig. Is it the new War on Terror? I know it’s got something to do with sub-prime something or other and big, fat, wanker-bankers being gambling greedy guts type people, but other than that, it’s all Greek to me. I know that everyone is bankrupt and if you needed a pot to piss in, you’d do better than asking Kerry Katona, Anthea Turner or the residents of Iceland, because much like Old Mother Hubbard, it's slim pickings all round at the moment. And there’s no point in trying to secure said wee-wee in the local pub either, because the chances are, that’s closed down too. In fact, much of the High Street seems to have shut up shop permanently. All that’s going to be left, according to Trevor McDonald and co., are charity shops, Primark, something hideous called Chicken Cottage and people selling The Big Issue that I don’t really believe are homeless.
It’s not all doom and gloom though, is it? Well, it might be, if you’re a fan of pick and mix or cheap Wellington boots for kids, seeing as though Woolies is no more, but at least you can buy cheapo happy shopper type stuff in Tesco without an ounce of shame. Seemingly anticipating this monetary skulduggery, they have changed their Value range to a discount brand called Daisy. How sweet. And I thought you couldn’t polish a turd. Maybe it’s the economic equivalent of turning a squiggle into a cartoon hairdo. I dunno. It’s all pounds, shillings and pence to me. Shame no one has got any. Maybe we should start a revolution and spend the rest our days sat cross legged and saggy titted in some new age commune breastfeeding each other.
Anyone up for it?
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