Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Alternative Career #6: The New SuBo...

Pros: I said, SUBO not SUMO. You know, as in Susan Boyle. I could do with being plucked from obscurity whilst having global fame, riches and a council house in Scotland thrust my way. I’m not doing anything else at the moment. Besides, I’ve got as much stubble as her, I’m equally as rotund and after a few sherries, I look just as vacant. Mentalism is in my family genes and I even know ALL the words to I Dreamed a Dream. I know, get me.

Cons: Whilst I may know all the words to I Dreamed a Dream, I fear that my rendition might not go down as well as hers. I think I might struggle with the ‘money note’ at the end. Besides, it’s a bit depressing isn’t it? All that woe and self pity – that’s not what Joe Public want is it? I’d sing something more uplifting and joyous. Like Aga-do. Thinking about it, I don’t know how I’d cope with someone like Piers Morgan rejecting me by hitting his buzzer as I approach the climax of my performance. I may attempt a spinning-bird kick on him – and that’s no good for humanity. Believe me.

Chances: What do you mean, the Britain’s Got Talent auditions have been and gone? Oh bugger. Oh well. Maybe next year, eh?

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